We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
