Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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