Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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