Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
