She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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