He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
