I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
