3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
