he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
