WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
