Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
