i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
