ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just high enough for therapy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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