Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
