Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
