Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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