i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
