I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
