my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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