on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dicks are not precious.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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