we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
