weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize