After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
