hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
