woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
