Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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