my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
