Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
