I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
