you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
