What did we do last night that was yellow?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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