i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just gift wrapped bread.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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