Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize