Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize