Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
