im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
