this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
