Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
