I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
