Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Randomize
