yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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