I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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