you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
