So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
