then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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