My nipple is on Facebook.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
