That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
