My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
