It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize