The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
