i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Life is so much better after having sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
