I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
