Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
high people should be assigned attendants
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
