No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
