last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
