On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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