Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
