Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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