The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
