friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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