it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
