Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
