Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
