Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
