Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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