I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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