after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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