What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
