So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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