watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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