how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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