My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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