I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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