Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
