i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
