woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
