absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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