he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize