now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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