Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
